An Ode To Song Lyrics - #1

I have a thing for a good lyric. Actually, I just have a thing for any string of words that manages to capture a snapshot of life and present it in glorious, interesting color. I soak it up when someone is able to describe a piece of what it means to be human in a way that is creative and fun to read.

So...speaking of song lyrics, I went to a concert the other night at Hotel Cafe, a little hole in the wall music venue in downtown Hollywood. I went ecstatic because one of my favorite musicians was gonna be there. Actually, he's not so much one of my favorite musicians; more accurately I should say that he sings one song that I am madly in love with ... like, listen-to-on-repeat-for-hours obsessed with. If it were a boy, I'd be it's stalker. You get the point. Anyway, I first heard it on Grey's Anatomy; they played it during the scene where George's family takes his dad off of life support (apologies to anyone who has not seen Season 3 of Grey's). It's called "Falling Awake," by Gary Jules. And, even though I don't really understand all the lyrics, the music is so haunting and lovely and soft that, well, it was love at first hear.

OK, so, Gary Jules was playing at Hotel Cafe, and I went there to see him. It was an electric concert (not literally; he's more of an acoustic soul) ... SOO fantastic. And, it just so happened that my roomie and I were sitting right next to Pink. But, that detail is neither here nor there. That's just one of those fun "I live in L.A." details that you can't NOT throw in. So anyway, (geez ... it is late and I am tired and I seem to have almost NO mental filter) what I DIDN'T expect was Gary Jules' opening act, a quite debonair-yet-edgy fellow named Jim Bianco. This man sang his heart out, like captured-the-audience-and-left-the-room-silent kind of performance. In one of his songs, there were a couple of lyrics that I just adored. So, I thought I'd share them with you. Finally, in paragraph four, I get to my point. ;)

Without further ado, what I consider to be a couple of very cool lyrics:

You don't chose the memories that stay with you all your life
You think you do, but they chose you, and then they hold on tight

AND

I wonder what you look like
in the morning when it comes;
knowing me, I'd probably be
jealous of the sun.
How dare it touch and warm your body
while I'm lying there,
when a man finds what he wants
he's not inclined to share....

So, check out "Painkiller" by Jim Bianco, as well as "Belong," both entirely lovely. And of course, you can't go wrong with Gary Jules' "Falling Awake."

OK, I must sleep. Perhaps tomorrow, I will have more cohesively connected thoughts.

p.s. Oh, BTW, it turns out Jim and Pink are dating ... according to the internet. Yes, we looked it up. I won't lie. But, no wonder he was singing his heart out! :)

C-A-D-E-N-C-E

Cadence ... K-A-D-E-N-C-E

That's how I spelled it in my 4th grade spelling bee. I used a K. And I lost. And I was sad. But not for too long, because then my mom took me and my friend to frozen yogurt, and I got frozen yogurt with those little mini gummy bears that get all hard and chewy next to the yogurt, and I was happy.

But, I never have forgotten how to spell "cadence," and I learned very quickly what it meant. It refers to rhythm, to a constant, steady beat.

And I have to tell you, even though it's the word that bumped me out of the spelling bee, I love it. I love that it sounds like what it is. "CA-DENCE." Two syllables. Evenly measured. Like a heartbeat. And I love what it symbolizes. Constancy, steady, rhythm. And I love things with cadence. They make me feel connected to something larger than myself. Ocean tides, heartbeats, the turn of hands around a clock. They make me feel connected to God somehow, because they are far more dependable than any of us humans. Anyhow...

So, why all this talk about one silly word?

Well, because all day long, I have been serenaded by the cadence of rain. ALL DAY LONG. And let me tell you, this is no small feat for California. Weather in California means that it is not between 75-90 degrees. And I am jubilant. That's right ... down right jubilant about it. It is SUCH a gift to have days off, finals over, Christmas coming, and rain ... on a day where I didn't have to be anywhere.

So, I had to share. Because when you are jubilant, sharing is a necessity.

It's Raining Outside...

And I'm listening to music, after having spent a lovely long evening with a dear friend (much love to you Mavilicious!) (Mavilicious is my friend. That's not really her name. Her name is Mav. But I call her Mavilicious for self-explanatory reasons.)

I was struck tonight ... to spend several hours with a friend. It felt foreign. Life has been so full of hustle and bustle in this grad school season of life. Time, a precious commodity ... has been dosed out in the smallest doses to the most places. Me, spread thin. And then, finals ended, and I find myself with long stretches of hours that don't yet have a dosage or a destination. It's blissful.

It makes me think about abundance and shortage ... or, as my mom taught me, plethora and dearth. It feels to me like they both carry a blessing.

Shortage (or dearth) lends value to things. When I can't have it all, what I choose becomes more precious ... because inherent in the gain of one thing is the loss of another. Shortage shows me what really matters to me. It challenges incorrect notions I might have about my priorities and shows me what they actually are. And, shortage allows me to savor the simplest of things because there isn't all kinds of clutter to keep me from seeing.

Abundance, on the other hand, fills things up. Like a river, it finds the nooks and crannies, the dips in the path, and pours in. It releases the tension of living like every moment counts and allows for ordinary moments ... which end up being some of the most precious of them all. It is gracious and generous and creates kindness.

I've found, in my own life, that I am kinda' unhappy if I live in either of those lands to an extreme. I am restless and metaphorically fat when I live in abundance without any shortage. And I am weak and ineffective when I run on the fumes of shortage for too long. As with many things in life, I'm finding it's the balance that counts.

But tonight, serenaded by raindrops and guitar strings and the voice of one very sexy John Mayer, I sit on the couch under covers and soak in abundance. The taste of peppermint marshmellow brownie madness (which potentially deserves its own blog entry) lingers on my tongue. And I smile at all the little and big things Mavilicious and I mulled over in long hours of not bothering to look at the clock.

Tonight, the rain is metaphor. I am dry soil. Pour down. Pour down.

This Is What Happens When You Finish Finals

1. You give your blog a face lift and add a fancy new profile section.

2. You stay in your PJs for a whole day straight and leave the house only to take your dog on a walk and look at the beautiful, sparkly Christmas lights in the cold nighttime air.

3. Did I mention it's cold?? I'm wearing a sweater. Good times...

4. #3 had nothing to do with finals, but still, it had to be celebrated.

5. You drink water and make meals and do other such self-care activities.

6. You call your mom.

7. You start a Christmas letter.

8. You watch "The Painted Veil" and knit a little.

9. You smile for no specific reason.

10. You look around and take a deep breath and whisper a little prayer of thanks for the goodness of your life.

Atleast, that's what happened for me...

A Study in Sedentary Studying

Remember Tuesday's blog about being glad that this blog is verbal and not visual?

Forget that.

I am studying. Well, I am GOING to study. After this. Uh-oh; I just heard my mom's voice in my head ("'GOING TO' never got anyone anywhere"). I digress.

Anyway, suffice it to say that Photo booth + Final exams = A study in finals week sedentary Susan

This is me happy that I am not yet studying....



Because this is how my brain's been feeling when I do study:



And here's my studying view: (the fire isn't going yet today)



And here's how my pup's been passing the time:



I am glad for a faithful companion! :)



OK, I'm off to turn the "going to" into a "did."

much love to you!

Study Break

Top Ten Sensations I'm Experiencing Right Now:

1. HEARING: Pandora radio play piano music, because it's some of the only music I can listen to and write papers to at the same time.

2. HEARING: the whir of our fire because it's cold enough to have it on, and that means I'm....

3. FEELING: very very content to be fireside. life is better by the fire. it just is.

4. FEELING: hungry, because I tried to make it through a section of my paper before starting lunch. I made it through the section and then got on to blogspot. procrastination is funny. But, I really AM hungry, so that'll be next.

5. FEELING: kind of grungy. not gonna lie. suffice it to say that i am quite thankful that this bloggedy-blog is verbal and not visual. :)

6. SENSING: the weight of my pup's lil' sleeping body. He's laying on my legs, having long ago given up on trying to rouse me from the couch with several laudable actions: first, he gave me the "aren't I cute?" eyes and the "look at my sweet, wet, button nose!" Then, he transitioned to excessive barking. When that didn't work, he proceeded to jump up on the couch, step all over books and papers and computer, and patted my arm with his paws. Then, after negotiation of my papers and books strewn here and there, he climbed over to my legs and layed down. sweet pup.

7. WISHING: my work were all done, and turned in, and I was at a yoga class, stretching and breathing. soon enough, Susan, soon enough.

8. MISSING: people I love.

9. NEEDING: to pee.

10. SMELLING: nothing, and that is a good thing, given #5.

Happy Tuesday to you, whatever this day holds. I'm off to a turkey sandwich and some coffee. mmmmm.

Born to Laugh....

It's finals week. And I was gone last weekend for Thanksgiving and this past weekend for a church retreat. And I went to class and clinic and tutored last week. And the last three sentences all add up to mean this:

1) I have been wearing the same bra for more days straight than I am willing to admit in this public forum.

2) Completed unrelated items sit side by side on my armour (spelling?), where I left them, as I moved quickly from one moment to the next.

3) My chest fills a little ... condensed, like there is less space in it and more items to fit in it than normal.

4) I savor the small stuff, like showers, and coffee, and chocolate.

5) I have not so much energy for blogging, but I want to stay connected here, because it is a place where the gal who sits by fires and notices color and listens to rain comes out. And I need her.

So, because I have not so much energy for blogging, I thought I'd take it easy and simply post some of my favorite song lyrics these days. These lyrics are good stuff ... worthy of being passed on. And if you like the lyrics, you should hear the music that accompanies it ... savory, sultry, savvy. (A little alliteration makes everything better). It's from a group called Over The Rhine. They came to my school to perform, and I got a little lost in the richness of their melodies, confirming my belief that music is a soul language.

Born -- Over the Rhine

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night
Who knows what we'll find

Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you
Whatever you got
I don't mind

Put your elbows on the table
I'll listen long as I am able
There's nowhere I'd rather be

Secret fears, the supernatural
Thank God for this new laughter
Thank God the joke's on me

We've seen the landfill rainbow
We've seen the junkyard of love
Baby it's no place for you and me

I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear

jungle gyms and freefall

In the town I grew up in, there is a park/playground. I spent many an hour there -- throughout my childhood -- during last day of school outings, family barbeques, and with friends. I could go and on and on about it, because it was full of ginormous toys, and picnic tables, and merry-go-rounds. And any place you go ... just to play ... is a special place. Anyway...

So, one of my favorite toys at the park was the jungle gym. It was this great massive half-planet of a thing, planted firmly into the ground like half a giant cantalope, knotted together with hundreds of metal rungs. And you could climb to the top, rung by rung, if you were brave and perserverant and didn't look down. And perhaps my memory betrays me; perhaps if I were to return to it, I would find that it stands only 6 feet tall. But, if my memory doesn't betray, and if I do really remember it accurately, it seems to me that if you reached the top, you were at least 10 feet tall ... a true thrill for little bodies that normal looked up at everything, not down.

I can remember climbing it, the feel of cold metal against my palms, the way my fingers barely stretched around each rod. I can remember hoisting my body up, rung by rung, can remember push and pull of arms then legs then arms that climbing it required. Methodically, reach by reach, I'd lift myself toward the top. And when I got there, I'd rejoice.

I was driving home from classes today, feeling a blend of tired and anxious. And I began to think about what would be causing such a strange combination. There were a few things. But I thought I'd share one of the reasons with you.

I want life to be like that jungle gym. And it isn't.

I'm willing to climb, to push and pull and sweat. But I want to know what rods to reach for, where to put my feet, what path I need to take to get on top of it all. And so far, in my experience, life is not nearly so clear and concise. And I think I was just bugged about it.

I think that a lot of life is nebulous and foggy, and paths are much clearer after you walk them. And, yes, great shining moments do occur sometimes. The fog lifts, and the landscape shifts into focus. And you hold on to those moments as you go along, because the fog inevitably returns.

The longer I live, the more I realize that life is much more about trusting than it is about knowing ... no matter what you believe.

The whole thing reminds me of a poem that I've posted on here before. But it truly one of my most favorite poems in the whole wide world. So, posting it twice can't be bad:

The Avowal
by Denise Levertov

As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit's deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.

Maybe life is about leaning into what you can't see, into Who you can't see, falling and trusting you'll be caught by Grace Undeserved ... instead of hanging on to only what you can and climbing with your own strength.

I don't feel so bugged now....