Things Left Undone

So I went to help cook for a free pancake dinner at my seminary last night. It's finals week. And that means a multitude of things, some of which include: crappy eating habits, sleep deprivation, abnormal amounts of good-smelling lotion applications (in place of showers), adaptation to the eye burn, and the promise of sweet relief. Free pancake dinners fit under the "crappy eating habits" category.

Anyway, I was flipping some buttermilk cakes with a friend from school; she's graduating in just a few days. And we got talking about goodbyes, and closure, and the process of transition. And it made me think back to a prayer a few other gals and I prayed a few days prior. We've been getting together on Mondays to sit in the quiet, light a candle, talk, pray. And, in the prayer, one of the gals asked for God to forgive us for all that we leave undone. And somehow, that prayer -- along with the conversation from last night -- struck a chord in me.

Guilt. How could five little letters express such a big thing? I'll just be honest. I feel guilty a lot. More than is probably healthy. Don't get me wrong. I think there is a definite place for guilt in life. It's just that I think it should be more like a merging lane that launches you toward the freeway of change, versus a parking lot. And I tend to sit in the lot, when I should be turning around and simply heading a new direction.

I feel guilty about a variety of things, but that "things left undone category" takes up a big piece o' guilty pie. Cause here's the thing. Life is hard. And there's almost always a phone call to return. A card to send. An email to reply to. A conversation to be had. A friend to encourage. A prayer to pray. A bill to pay. A goodbye to say. There's always more.

So, at what point do you say, "I've done what I can do today," or "I know I need to talk to that person, but realistically I just can't yet," or "God, I'm tired. Is it OK if I just go to sleep?" And at what point do you stand yourself up, grab your to-do list and get to it, tired or not? Because, while some things will wait for tomorrow, others won't. And it seems like regret is one of the sharpest swords.

I don't have answers. Tonight, I just offer questions. I suppose it's fitting for the topic of this blog entry anyway.... ;)

Nighty-night all....