Let's get a few things straight.

FIRST OFF:

If there were a competition to see who kicked the most Lenten booty, I would have totally sucked at it.  I might not have come in last, but I definitely wouldn't have been at the front of the pack either.  Consistency is tough.  And after a few weeks - I can't try to sugarcoat it - I just got tired.  And one morning, I decided that certainly God would understand that I needed to sleep, and I didn't get up at 6.  And the next morning, I did the same.  And then it was Easter.  I did a few devotions here and there in between, but I fizzled out at the every-day-6 a.m.-devotional-and-blog-post plan.  Clearly, I need to continue to strive for discipline and consistency.

And I was feeling pretty guilty about it heading into Easter, until the Thursday before Easter weekend.  On that night, I went to my small group (the one I've been meeting with for the last 3 years now ... they are my family here in LA).  And we all talked about how we were feeling spiritually and emotionally entering into Easter.  Several of us were feeling similarly ashamed of our Lenten ... lackluster.  And then, my dear friend, Kristin, had an epiphany.  She very simply said, "I was trying to clean my heart and mind for Easter during Lent.  But, maybe that's what Jesus does.  Maybe EASTER  is what cleans out my heart and mind."

Sitting there, listening to her, I realized that the coolest thing is, whether I felt ready and prepared to celebrate Christ's resurrection, or whether I felt like I was running around all crazy-like, until emotional whiplash jerked my head back around to the empty tomb on Easter day, Jesus died and rose and made all things new.  Including me.  And my struggles to stay focused on him were just further proof of my need for him.  I needed Easter.  I NEED Easter.  And He did it.  It's late, and I'm tired, so I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well.  But, suffice it to say, though I still very much want to work on the character qualities of discipline and consistency, I just felt so much gratitude to Jesus on Easter morning.  Because I don't deserve His selfless love.  And yet, here it is.

So, happy belated Easter, beloved reader.

SECOND:

I guess I don't have a second point.  I think I did, at the start of this, but now, my eyelids are heavy, and the pillow beckons to me ... sweet promises of dreamy reverie.  Or at least a solid 8 hours.  Wahoo!

Lent - Days 16-21

People!!  I have one word for you: Catfish.

And I'm not talking about the literal scaled swimmer of the sea (or is it a lake?).  I'm talking about the movie.

I saw it several days ago, and I'm still chewing on it.  I can't say much about it, as I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who might read this.  (Do I flatter myself?)  But, I can say this: It's a documentary.  And here's the thing about documentaries.  I normally hear about them, put them on my cue, feel disappointed when they arrive, keep them for several weeks thinking I should watch them, and then realize that I just paid Netflix $10 to keep a documentary on my dresser for a month.  And then I send them back.  Unwatched.  That's how it often goes with me and documentaries.  But, seriously, this movie is different.

And all I can say is, you must watch it.  So, so good.

The Ordinary Day

(Lent: Days 14-15)

It's easy to document the big stuff, the momentous occasions of life.  I take pictures of it.  I celebrate it.  I remember it.

Today had no momentous occasions.  Today was completely and utterly ordinary.  Wednesday.  I got up, walked Charlie, "sorted myself out" (as the British say, referring to "getting ready" ... but "sorting oneself out" sounds so much better, doesn't it?), went to work, saw clients, ate lunch, saw more clients, did paperwork, ate dinner, went to the gym, showered, and here I am in bed, off to sleep, so I can do it all again tomorrow.

It's monotonous sometimes.  And I have moments where I wonder what it's all for.  It could become very depressing, I suppose, if I went all Albert Camus on myself.  But I'm not gonna do that.  Because deep down I know that life is a good gift, a gift to be savored, and lived, and used up.

So with that, a Top Five List I tell myself to help myself savor today as it deserves to be savored:

1. More and more I'm discovering that life goes to those who just show up.  Showing up is half the battle.  I showed up.

2. I have a healthy, fully functioning body, which - I'm guessing; there is no science or research in this - puts me in probably about the 50% of the world's population that is healthy and whole.

3. No traumas today.  No car accidents, major losses, firings, hospitalizations, or injuries to those I love today.  I had a much better day than many people had today.

4. I got another chance today ... another chance to right wrongs, to give and accept mercy, to love.

5. All of these days ... these ordinary days ... get stacked one on top of the other, books in a shelf, and create a great big life full of meaning and memories and roots that go beyond any one day.  Today was a piece of the puzzle.

And I like this puzzle.

Lent - Days 10-13

These past few days have been full to the brim ... of really good things.

In the last 72 hours, I've celebrated 2 birthdays of two of my favorite people and the engagement of two of my closest friends.  On Saturday, I went to a workout class entitled, "Yoga Booty Ballet."  Seriously, one of the funnest workouts I've ever done ... ballet to hip-hop music.  I've found a new love.  And, it rained all day yesterday, and I lit candles and climbed under covers and just laid there in the quiet for a while, processing all the life that's happened.

I think some pictures are in order:

I got to celebrate my roomie's birthday with her.  And we did so with a little YogaBootyBallet and some amazing sandwiches and coffee after.  I highly recommend starting your birthday like this.  It's quite fun.

Since I had the honor of being the surprise photographer at their engagement, you get pictures. :)

I love love.

Especially when it's between these two people who have waited to find their just-right-person.  

And it happened.

Sometimes life is really good.

Lent - Day 9

I've had my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision, running through my head all morning.  And then, I realized it's Saint Patrick's Day .... which I just kind of have to marvel at, because the history of the song, Be Thou My Vision,  is connected to Saint Patrick, himself.

I don't know all the details, but I know that the song is connected back to 433 AD when Saint Patrick defied his king's decree not to light any candles the night before Easter, because fire was reserved for Pagan celebrations.  Apparently, the king found out about it, but was so impressed with Saint Patrick's "arrogance," that he allowed him to continue holding Easter services.

Anyway, interesting that this is the song that runs through my mind today.  In honor of Saint Patrick, I give you some of the most beautiful words, expressions of the heart, reaching up for the Almighty, I've ever read/sung:

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Nought be all else to me, save that Thou art-

Thou my best thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,

Thou mine inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,

May I reach heaven's joy, O bright heaven's Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O ruler of all.

May it be so.

Amen.

(And Happy St. Patrick's Day!)