I listened to NPR today as I drove to a group meeting. The journalist reporting was in China, and she described the countless bodies of middle schoolers she witnessed being carried out of a collapsed school building in one of the areas several miles away from the epicenter of the quake that hit China hours ago. And then a report followed regarding the tornado that swept through Oklahoma and surrounding areas a few nights ago. One person interviewed said she was going to receive $22,000 as compensation for her home that was destroyed. She wept as she relayed her disbelief and fear for the future ... what home could $22,000 buy her? And then there's Burma, and the rotting bodies, and the government that won't let help come in.
And I just feel sort of heavy today ... heavy under the weight of so much suffering, too much heartache and loss. Most days I am just in love with life ... with color and taste and hope and reconciliation and so much good that exists. But today I am not. And I think that's OK.
I met with a group of women today, and we prayed. We prayed for the people of China and Burma and Oklahoma and Georgia. And we prayed for people all over the world that want to help ... we prayed for open roads and supplies and for hope to come to the darkest parts of suffering. And sometimes throughout the prayer, I felt like a fool ... who am I to think I understand anything of suffering? Who am I to think my words could make any difference? But I think those thoughts are truly what is most foolish. I believe in hope. I believe in love. I believe in God's heart of tenderness for our suffering. I believe Christ wept. I believe. And even when I don't believe, I believe that God is merciful enough for me and my broken faith.
Today, I cleave my heart to some verses from the book of Revelation in the Bible that one of the women in the group read outloud. Today, I cleave to a future where there will be no more tears:
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son."
1 comment:
i love that you continue to hope, to feel, to pray, to reach out...even if we feel less than able to understand the anture of this suffering. i can relate to that heaviness and empathic response...it is what we send out that somehow churns hearts into healing and opening. sometimes, it is all we can do and at the same time, everything we can do.
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